When should you break up with an addict?

If you do one of these 5 things, you should break up with and addict: 

1. I am waiting for THE BIG THING that tells me it is time to go. It justifies me leaving. 

You don't need to justify your desire to leave a situation where you're being hurt continually - whether they know it or not. They are still doing these things- which is enough to want to exit. 

You have a blackbelt in bullshit.

 

2. You're waiting for a change. You are only going to be with them if they are going to be sober for the rest of their lives.. It doesn't work like that. Recovery doesn't work like that. If you're going to stay- you're marrying the person and the addict for forever. 

If they are going to be like this for forever are you ok with that? If the answer is no- then you need to go. 

If I'm saying I only want to be with a sober person, I need to leave. 


3. If you're strategizing, manipulating, trying to control this person to fix it- you need to leave. You can NOT control addiction. 

I have no power and I have no control. 

I am not a halfway house, a therapist, a counselor. I am not a treatment center. I am not a sponsor, I am not a lifecoach. 

I am doing all the work and working harder on his recovery than he is- then I need to get out. 

What is my motivation for being in this relationship? Why am I with an addict to heal from the past? 


4. If I am constantly making excuses and justifications for his actions- I am enabling. I am keeping him from getting better. 

Oh he works a lot so he is really tired and sleeps a lot 

Oh he had a bad day so he needs to go let lose. 


5. If I don't like who I've become in this relationship

constantly criticizing, constantly judging, I carry shame for something I'm not even doing and I'm embarrassed to talk to my friends about it. 

If he gets better, these experiences and these issues that have occurred are still there. They aren't gone and the memories are not gone. 



He was the love of my life. Or so I thought. I have always been the bottom of his list and he was always the top of mine. I'm in recovery from being with an addict. 

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